


Ain't Killed Me Yet

by Chevrolet_Charm



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Hurt Sam Winchester, Post-Break Up, Sam Winchester Drinks Demon Blood, Sam Winchester Drowns in Tequila, break - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:47:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26981614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chevrolet_Charm/pseuds/Chevrolet_Charm
Summary: Now that you're gone, what's gonna be the first thing he tries...
Relationships: Sam Winchester/Reader
Kudos: 4





	Ain't Killed Me Yet

**Author's Note:**

> This could be potentially triggering for Suicide/suicidal thoughts
> 
> Other than that Enjoy!

Every hunt. All back to back. Trying to occupy his mind. This was a lot even for Dean to put up with. 

Sam kept working, harder and harder, but the stress hadn't killed him yet. Neither had a monster, but that's another story for another time. 

  
The angels wanted him to stop. Stop and get clean of the demon blood. He had been on and off it before you. Three years clean, all gone in a night. 

Why should he, when it hadn't killed him yet. It made him better, stronger, unlike fear would. 

The angels wondered why he didn't care anymore. Dean wanted to know why he wasn't scared anymore, of anything.

"I thought her leaving would stop my heart from beating. I'll get over her when I'm dead." Sam growled from across the bench seat of the impala. 

"She still loves you, even if she won't admit it." Dean clenches his jaw. 

Sam thinks about every time he closes his eyes. The image of you dancing from across the bar is scarred onto the backs of his lids. 

The sting of loneliness somehow is stronger than the buzz of the blood and the hunt.    
  


The bunker held too many memories. It had turned into a tomb. 

Everytime he walked into the kitchen he expected you to be singing and cooking. 

Every morning the other colder half of the bed haunted him. 

The shower still had your stuff in it. He'd die to smell it on you again. But your memory hadn't killed him yet.    
  


The taste of tequila. He remembers it off your lips. So it’s time for another swig. 

When he staggers to bed, empty bottle shattering against the floor, he spares a thought that he should probably give it a rest. 

  
  


“Dean, I never said I wouldn’t die!” Sam slams the door of the Impala, before stomping after Dean towards the bunker entrance. 

  
“You might as well be living on borrowed time. Keep this up and you will hit your end. For good this time.” Dean drops his gun on the library’s table.

_ Maybe my heart would stop beating then, like it should have when she left. _

“The loneliness stings, I know, dude. But it will get better.” Dean rounded the corner, leaving Sam with his thoughts.

_ How can I ever forget her, when every night she dances through my mind. She hasn’t killed me yet, and the loneliness won’t either.  _

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to check out and join the discord!! 
> 
> https://discord.gg/mbkj78Jxbe


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